This started out as a post just about toys, but then I started to write it and discovered that I seem to lump modern toys, TV and technology in the same category, making it difficult to write about one without spilling into the other. Much of this is stuff I hadn't even considered until I had a son of my own, apart from the TV business.
So *draws in deep breath* here we go...
While surfing the Mummy-
blogosphere during morning nap-time a few days ago I came across
Dear Baby and got quite caught up in the beautiful Everly's little San Francisco world with her Mummy & Daddy.
One of Melissa's posts in particular resonated with me and my beliefs and succinctly covered everything I believe about children's toys. Essentially she talks about her
"... desire to avoid the plastic, buzzing, blinking crap that our society calls “toys” these days. While I don’t want to deny my daughter anything, I can’t help but want to think of ways to give her a full, enjoyable youth without drowning her in a room full of mass produced junk that she’ll grow tired of quickly. ... Will our family think we are crazy if we asked them to forgo presents at her birthday party and instead give her their undivided time?"
I've had thoughts about what people will think if we ask them to not buy "regular" kids toys. I don't want to seem fussy and ungrateful; I completely appreciate the intention is harmless and filled with love, but we'd rather Isaac had toys that encourage his imaginative play than a set of adult created guidelines for him to follow. Or even instead of toys he spent more time with the people who love him. Plus it seems difficult enough to try and instil a sense of value into children as it is, what with media shoving the latest shiny, bright toy into everything they can and other children boasting about how many presents they got from Santa in a playground battle of one-upmanship. In my experience it isn't even what they got from whom, it's how many and how big. There is also a limit as to how much we can store and in a bid to limit our consumerism I'd rather we have less that is appreciated than more that is not. I guess I'm loosely following the attachment parenting ideals of having him with me pretty much everywhere I go, apart from when he sleeps (because the dude likes his own space). He can nearly always at least see me. Because of this he doesn't have a great deal of toys and doesn't seem to be missing out because of it. He has play a play gym, but he doesn't spend long on it - he's more interested in what I'm doing anyway! I quote the same bit of
this article from the Guardian (which I recommend you read in full if you're at all interested in what I've written so far) that Melissa does in her post about toys:
"They [children] get overwhelmed and over-stimulated and cannot concentrate on any one thing long enough to learn from it so they just shut down. Too many toys means they are not learning to play imaginatively either."
I'm currently reading
21st Century Boys by
Sue Palmer who also pins great importance to imaginative play. Maybe I read too much and should just get on with it, but this stuff really makes sense to me. Much of her book is common sense, but it's nice to read something that had been carefully researched and referenced. Quite early on in the book she discusses what she calls "the technology trap" meaning TV, computer games, mobile phones etc. She talks about a lot of different topics, but the one that has struck a chord with me (and is most obvious to me) is how children learn best by doing things themselves rather than watching someone else do it on TV (or even just being told by a parent). How can a DVD or TV programme possibly replace the connection between a parent and child? Who would even think that a little baby would rather listen to a CD than their mother talking/singing to them? What kind of F#*$!d up society believes that to be acceptable?? I've always found that experience is the best teacher and I plan on letting Isaac learn by experience, within reason. Obviously I'm not going to let him find out that running across a busy road is dangerous! I remember school Physics lessons (and bear in mind that Physics was my
least favourite subject ever): DVDs = ZZZZ time, practical experiments = yay! Back to TV though, bear with me - this is worth it (from 21st Century Boys):
"For many years, the American Academy of Paediatrics has recommended that children under two shouldn't watch TV at all. There was no research to back up this recommendation - just a gut reaction on the part of doctors who knew something about child development. Indeed, it's only in the last few years that research into the effects of technology on children's brains in the first few years of life has begun to trickle through. Studies have now appeared linking early television watching to the male-dominated disorders, ADHD and autism. ...I suspect the technology trap may also be related to many speech and language difficulties and to dyslexia. In 2008, the French government concluded the evidence is strong enough to ban French channels from airing TV programmes aimed at children under three and insist that cable channels display a health warning."
So France has seen fit, but not the UK? There are still the dreaded
CBeebies/
Milkshake etc which are specifically aimed at very young children. While at the Derby Montessori School open afternoon a few weeks ago, I overheard a teacher talking with a parent about TV. The teacher was explaining to the stunned parent that the recommended amount of TV any child under 11 should be allowed,
per day is 1 hour.
We don't have TV in our house. We haven't had TV for about 5 years now and I'm rather glad! We have a TV, but it isn't plugged into an aerial/dish/box so we don't receive any broadcasting. This will, thankfully, massively restrict Isaac's exposure to, as Palmer puts it "the marketing maelstrom". We use it for DVDs and Simon uses it for computer games too. Sure we watch some TV shows, but they are blissfully advert free and watched (a few times a week at most) when Isaac is asleep. Of course, I worry that other children will find it strange that he doesn't watch television - heck I used to think it was odd. Having lived without it for a while now I couldn't imagine having it back in the house. I remember back to my Uni days and the "MTV2 face" which plagued all in the House of Death. I simply don't have time to be watching the drivel that constitutes much of TV these days. Sure I spend some time writing this blog, but it doesn't take over my life like TV used to. Plus if I didn't write this stuff down I might go wrong in the head brain.
So anyhoo, Isaac will grow up without TV. He is my little baby boy and that is what I think is best for him and his developing brain. We will instead be going on trips to different places and visiting different people and learning about life through doing, not watching. I was slightly concerned about how the no-TV will work when the girls come on their weekends as they are used to watching lots of TV. I recently explained to Aoife that I don't want Isaac to watch TV and why; she was quite interested and not at all bothered that it was turned off when he woke up from his nap. It seems to be something they do when he isn't around anyway because they love playing with him when he's up and about. Bring on the summer, better weather, longer days and outdoor frolics!
I'm very aware of the use of mobile phones around him. What he sees now and going forward will be accepted as the norm and I don't want him to think it's OK to be glued to a phone 24/7, because it isn't! We have a no phones at the table rule and I'm conscious of trying to not use mobiles around him. I'm also very aware of the use of computers. I try my best not to use one at all when he's around. This will obviously change as he gets older and starts to use technology himself. As he gets bigger and we're off out doing stuff then my use of the PC will diminish too I suppose. Not a bad thing. I value family time over anything. No amount of BBC news or failblog.org or blogging or Facebook can replace spending time with the ones you love. If it can, and I say this in all seriousness, there is something very, very wrong with you!!
So, in conclusion (if conclusions can be drawn from my disjointed & erratic waffle) - I'm aiming to raise a balanced, healthy boy without the distractions of cheap throwaway junk toys, TV or technology. Of course they will find a way into his life, but I'd rather it was at an acceptable time than hammering him with it from birth when it can affect his little brain and potentially mess him up before he's even started. I love him too much for that. I know that he will do what he wants and I can't force him to do what I want, but I can give him the best head start possible while he is still little and in my care. I hope you'll help me too?
