2 months later...

...and Isaac shows signs of becoming a roadie? That or he'll be a wire hoarder (just like his Daddy :-p).

I'm long overdue an update...stay tuned!

Slightly adrift

Forgive my lack of posts; I haven't really felt like writing anything much of late. I have lots of ideas & photos are piling up on my phone, but the impetus to extract from my brain onto paper (as it were) is lacking. 

I haven't spent much time at home lately - approximately 6 days in-fact during the month of November. This sucks. I like being at home...with my boys. However, I've been needed elsewhere. But right now, this very moment, I'm sad because I've realised how little time I've spent at home...with both of my boys. 

After an horrific journey, some tears and a bath I'm now sitting alone in a hotel room listening to the fuzz on the monitor, feeling melancholy. To kill some time I've been sorting through my phone images (those aforementioned). I was more than  pleased to find a picture I took last month before all the weirdness, when we were just trundling along with our lives. It made me really very happy to see it again so I've decided to post it on here. 

I'll file it under "happy" & whenever I'm feeling sad I'll sneak a peek and it'll make me grin :-)

A distraction

I've been quiet lately. I think it's partly because winter is all but breaking down the door and I'm going into hibernating mode, but more recently it's largely because my step-father passed away. While I try to figure out how on earth I'm going to put into words the many things he meant to me, here are some pictures to distract me and make me smile.

There are times when...

...I feel frazzled. Today is one of those days. I debated for a while whether or not to post this. But then I figured - parenting isn't a piece of cake for anyone. Who am I to wear rose-tinted-blog spectacles?

So, then. There are times when...

...I simply don't know what he wants & he doesn't want the things I think he does. He cries and holds his arms up to me so I pick him up; then he cries and wiggles about, kicking my stomach and pinching my skin between his foot and my trouser/skirt waistband, so I put him down again...and he cries. He disdainfully turns away from anything I offer him and progresses further into frustration. Both of us completely exasperated. But then I don't think he knows what he wants either and he certainly couldn't tell me if he did.

...I think we should have shares in a tissue company, when I'm sick to the back teeth with having his snot all over me and if I see him wipe it all over his face one more time I...I don't know what I'll do. But it can't be fun for him either. It's not his fault he's teething or poorly. He must feel wretched, poor thing.

...I wonder if one of those playpen things would be useful; I could just sit him in it and not worry about the CDs, books, DVDs, board games etc being pulled from the shelves and onto the floor again. But I know he would be miserable as hell in one and, at the end of the day, it's only stuff. Stuff we don't really need to be happy. So what're a few sticky finger prints on discs between family members? Books, however require respect. We're working on that one and I'm pleased to report that he hasn't ripped any yet.

...I nearly cave in and give Isaac Calpol or Neurofen for children. But I know too much, thus don't take the adult versions myself. Simon and I have agreed that it's really only a last resort when we're at our wits' end. I know there are alternatives to pharmaceuticals that work, their effects just take a little longer to kick in. His liver will thank me in the long run.

...I dream of the day that Roisin will just bloody listen. If she could absorb and understand information as quickly as an adult then I wouldn't have to say the same god damn thing six times in less than three minutes, each time rearranging the words and usually increasing the volume until I'm heard and comprehension is reached. It's impossible to get her attention and I really do wonder what goes on in her brain sometimes. But then I know she is only four and the most important thing in her world right now is: "will I get sparkly party shoes with heels for Christmas?"

...I'd like Isaac to be able to sleep in the push chair. It'd be lovely to spend a whole day out and not have to worry about him having a nap. But then I think: he won't nap forever. You wanted to carry him in a sling and even if you hadn't I don't think he'd be happy in a push chair; he's just not that kind of child. And we're not that sort of family. 

...I want to be deaf to his wailing. Seriously. WHAT DO YOU WANT? or LET ME SLEEP? But then I know it's his only real means of communication right now and I know how utterly pissed off I'd be if I couldn't communicate other than cry when upset. 

...Aoife really needs to understand that if she doesn't want some toy or other to be trashed then she A) should stop teasing her little sister with it and B) needs to put it away so that the other two can't get at it. But then I remember she's only six, despite increasingly acting like a twenty six year old.

...for one flippant nano-second, I want Simon to be the stay at home parent and I go out to work. But then I snap out of it and realise that I would actually be miserable and miss my little munchkin to death.

...I'd like force feeding to be acceptable. But then I think - he's developing his own tastes and of course he isn't going to like everything immediately. Plus if he was really hungry then he'd eat it.

...I wish the dog would just bugger off for once. Isaac is starting to pet her nicely and give her kisses now, but it terrifies her and she pants and shakes to excess. She's so bloody nervous! She uses me as her safe point which is also where Isaac usually wants to be. But then I think - I taught her to come to me when she's afraid of new things when she was a puppy. Of course she's going to be how she is, he's a constantly changing little person - how weird it must be from doggy eyes! And she really is very good with him. 

...I can't wait for Aoife to grow up and see that, as an adult: you don't always get to do whatever you want, you don't tell children to do things for a laugh, you do actually have a reason for most things and it's usually experience, money really doesn't grow on trees! But then I remember exactly how I was when I was a child and I'm sure I had much the same viewpoint as her.

...I seriously think Isaac would be better off in nursery school with people who are qualified to look after him. He's not the baby I couldn't imagine handing over to anyone else anymore. Interaction with other children would be good for him and the time apart would probably be good for me too, I think. But then I see his little face when all he wants is his Mummy and I know I'm the only one that can stop him hurting, even if it is only temporary and I think to myself "he's my son, I chose to bring him into the world and so I choose to care for him myself". 

...I am selfish and wish it was just me, Simon and the dog. But then I wonder how happy I'd really be without my little Wiggler and the girls? They've each brought a new dimension to my life and taught me things about myself I never thought existed. I'd most likely be working the same hours for the same employer doing the same old things. Now, even if I go back to that, I know I have three amazing little people waiting to show me something new they've learned about or learned to do. Awesome!

...I hate myself for thinking all of these things and for even writing this post about them. But then I know it doesn't make me a bad person because I'm only human and not to acknowledge how I feel would be of far greater detriment to our little family than doing so now. I feel these awful things infrequently, particularly when I'm poorly and fed up with my own snot too, and it's usually in these moments that they're all there...in my brain...sniping away at me and it's in then that I feel my worst and go a little crazy. 

So I'm not sorry for putting this out there or if any of it upsets your sensibilities. I defy any parent to look me in the eye and tell me they don't have moments such as these.

And now it's written down, it's not in my brain anymore and I can properly get on with being a Mum.

I'm totally biased, but...

I think Isaac is pretty much the coolest little guy around :-)

These are a few of my favourite things...

Reading a book about my doggy, Rinny...

...peeking over bags, (my Mum thinks I'm silly)...

...removing my pjs, then crawling away...

...but blueberries, by far, are the best things today.

The Non-Wiggle Chair

In the UK, until s/he reaches 20lbs, an infant must only ride in rear facing car seats in the back of the car or in the front with the air bag having been disabled. There is research (somewhere) to show that it is more safe for infants to continue riding rear facing for as long as they can. However, Isaac has been getting increasingly fed up with staring at the back of the seat for a while and his legs were all scrunched up, but we abode the weight rule. 

During the same visit to Mothercare in which Isaac's first shoes were purchased, I sneakily weighed The Wiggler on the store scales (because I haven't taken him to clinic for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages) only to find that he has finally reached the 20lb mark! Yippee! 

So, as I need no persuasion to shop, we bought him a front facing seat for the car.

He thinks it's GREAT! Now when we go out he's busy watching where we're going, looking at all the things happening outside the car and playing silly games with me in the mirror. I think it helps him on longer journeys that he can see me, plus I love being able to see my Wiggler too!

When we had Isaac we got a Maxi-Cosi car seat & an EasyFix car seat base with plans to buy the next one up to utilise the same base. Here we have been thwarted by Maxi-Cosi who no longer make car seats to fix said base. They now may the FamilyFix base. Gah. We figured that we aren't going to be taking it in & out of the car the way we did with the carry-style seat and it won't be long before he's climbing in & out himself.

Instead we went for the Maxi-Cosi Tobi. From experience with Roisin when she was smaller, we knew we wanted one with a soft seat; some of them are so hard! The Tobi has the required soft seat. It does most things that seats in its class do (5 point belt system, reclines slightly from sitting to sleeping position etc), but it  also has an additional safety point that I didn't see on others. As well as the car belt securing around the bottom of the seat, it also feeds around the top of the seat. I like this. Call me paranoid, but I don't think extra safety is a bad thing in cars.  The age range goes up to 4 years, however, from experience I don't know he'll be in it for that long. The base on this seat doesn't take up as much room as the EasyFix either so, when all 5 of us are in the car, it should be easier to get all 3 of the kids done up in the back without the customary jiggery pokery. Plus it was on sale. Everybody wins!

The Wiggle Chair

I have several things on my to-blog-about list, but this one makes me chuckle the most. I pick the girls up from school on a Wednesday & we have them over night. While the weather is nice we like to go to a park or something before tea. Obviously Isaac comes with us and has a right old laugh too.

Whoever invented this thing deserves a medal. It [The Wiggle Chair] was clearly created specifically for Isaac [The Wiggler].

Enjoy!

The cookies that broke my whisk

The recipe was written by Isa thingy-whatsit (no offence Isa) & can be found for free on the PPK website here. I've made them once before. With hindsight, I probably should've used a different attachment on both occasions; no cookie dough should do what it did going through the whisk! Or I should've used my hands, which is what I resorted to when Ms Whiskie croaked her last. Gutted.

Bugger the cookies, look at the PLATE!

 Look at them, aren't they beautiful? So aesthetically pleasing. They taste pretty good too!

I like to think of them as what would happen if a brownie and a chocolate chip cookie had babies. They are, though, very chocolatey which is not good for gorging because one can't gorge for very long before one feels sick. This could be considered a plus point if you are, like me, unable to leave freshly baked cookies alone...when they're just out of the oven...and still warm...soft in the middle...gooey chocolate...

ENOUGH! 

Real food lunch time.

Oh, I forgot to say. They're 100% vegan. I use Organica Vegan Chocolate Couverture Bar (which I get from my local whole food store) for the chocolate chips. It tastes pretty much like milk chocolate, but without the sicky icky feeling you get from eating milk chocolate. Anyhoo, I digress. It's prefect for these cookies as I'm not a huge fan of dark chocolate in cookies that are already pretty dark. It lightens the taste of them somewhat, but if you like lots of dark chocolate then what the hey!

There I go again. Going now. 

*gone*

Going up?

This is the sight that greets me as I look up from my knitting:

Until now he has only patted the bottom step, but yesterday he decided he was destined for greater things. Somewhat shocked & rather excited by this new activity, I grab my camera. What's he after?!

Ah, The Wallet, of course. The Wallet is one of Isaac's favourite things to play with, especially when we're out. Proper toys just don't hold his attention like The Wallet and The Keys.

Busted!

I am a crafty Mummy Pie and use The Wallet...as bait!

Just a little further...

Mum, WTF, seriously.

No shifting the goalposts...until you've reached them!

A quick half-time Rinny ball chucking interlude before...

 ...stairs, part two.

I love how pleased he is when he discovers something new that he thinks is fun. Learning should be fun. I wish my A Level teachers knew that. Then again, how exactly does one make Richard III fun?

I might have been a little ambitious with this last stretch. Or maybe the timing was wrong; it wasn't long until  his afternoon nap when he instigated the climbing and I think climbing required a considerable amount of exertion!

I'll get you my pretty, and your little cards too!

My boy did very well for his first attempt; I didn't help him at all, other than being there with him to offer encouragement and smiles. Where's the fun in doing it for him?

A trip to Darley Abbey Park

In our house, doggy birthdays are not forgotten. Rinny was four on Friday and to celebrate, along with the string of toy sausages & chocolate bones, we took her for a lovely walk to Darley Abbey Park on Saturday. Thankfully the weather was just right. She had a splendid time haring around like a complete loon & chasing after her toy. She even brought it back! It was refreshing, for once, to not be the owner of the dog that chases after everybody else's dog. (This has been replaced by crazy barking when she spies her toy, not great, but better than the chasing of other dogs; she gets so very excited by her toys that she just can't contain herself. I was warned about this by the lady I bought her from.) In-fact, she was the chased for once!

We found a huge stick.

Aoife spent much of the walk like this:

And there was a lot of this:

The girls found LOADS of conkers and Aoife was particularly pleased to find her first acorn, albeit a wee one! We explained that most of them had been squirrelled away for the winter.

Roisin and Isaac had lots of fun on the swings:

We had a well deserved beverage in The Abbey. This is an old pub in the middle of Darley Abbey. It's tiny, but drinks are incredibly reasonably priced and the place has loads of character. Plus it allows children and dogs.

On the way back we stopped to look at the river and Simon was telling the girls about salmon swimming upstream, only to see a fish trying to jump up the waterfall!

The bit of the park we walked around is mostly trees and grass so we didn't see a lot of flowers, but we did see this one in amongst some nettles.

We used our new book about wild British flowers to identify it when we got home and found that it is a policeman's helmet (Impatiens glandulifera) which is not indigenous to, although considered naturalised throughout the UK. We thought it was very pretty. 

Both Simon and I think it's disturbing that more children these days seem to be losing touch with the natural world. We think it's important to pass on a love of and respect for nature, but you can't do that if you don't get out about about in it. So, we are. Trying to. I'd love to find some more wild spots to wander about & forage, but local parks are a good place to start. While we fully admit that we aren't terribly knowledgeable, we have books, access to the internet and we're interested. So we'll do our very best to find out what we don't know for them and, of course, Isaac too.

While at the Just So Festival, we joined the RSPB who have a site not far from us. Aoife spent ages poring over the information we got and was engrossed in the bird book. She was very pleased to tell me all the different birds she recognised already and was quite excited by the prospect of doing more outdoors-y stuff. Roisin told Daddy "this is fun" while re-potting some jasminiums on Sunday. There's hope, David Attenborough!