On the radio (uh oh!)

We were on the radio today...quite unbelievable! I say we, I was. Isaac was much of the focus, but he's a baby thus not capable of holding a radio-style conversation.

It was all quite unplanned. I innocently sent a text to the Shaun Keaveny breakfast show on BBC 6 Music yesterday asking them to play my earworm (Can I Play With Madness by Iron Maiden - oh yes). Later in the day someone rang me to see if I wanted to be on the following day for a feature called My Morning Racket. Initially I said no because I've never been good at anything involving people watching me as my school friends know well (freezing up, dry mouth, talking at high speed, turning as red as you like), but she talked me into it. Plus no one was actually watching so it was OK.

Turns out I didn't get to talk to Shaun because, typically, he went on holiday the day before! So I spoke to Andrew Collins instead, who was very nice. I've only just heard myself and I've decided that it's not too bad so...here I am on the radio!



(Simon aren't you proud? I got the audio file embedded in the page all by myself!! Well, strictly speaking, I used this awesome tutorial. Thank you for teaching me html & css though :-D xx)

P.S.: Please forgive my Leatherface ignorance.
P.P.S.: If you can't see the embedded flash player, click here instead.

Isaac and his Nanna.

We've come to visit Isaac's Nanna and Grandpa for the weekend and today Mum, Isaac and I went to Stratford-upon-Avon for the afternoon. I'd forgotten how lovely it is. In fact, I'd forgotten how lovely most of Warwickshire is. All the little black and white beamed houses, groaning under the weight of age and history, keeping  locked in the walls and doors their secrets of lives past.  Not something I appreciated as a child growing up there, but now...it's just so charming. I could sit by the river for hours and watch the people go about their meanderings.  Heck, am I getting old?? Anyhoo I digress. Massively into my own musings. Apologies.

What I wanted to show you was this...

It's so incredibly terrific to see Mum with a smile this big on her face. She's been through a hell of a lot in recent years and it's not over yet. It makes me  happy and so utterly proud that our Little Man can instigate a beam like this.

I love you Mama and so does your wee grandson, he just can't say it yet.

7 months a mother

Forgive my lack of posts, sleeping has been somewhat erratic recently. The clocks changed and it all went wrong. We're back to newborn uncertainty! Seems that bathing before bed  works a treat so we'll continue in this manner every night & see how it goes.

This post is a purely selfish waffle. I'm writing about me. Isaac's development will follow in due course. So anyhoo. I've been a mother for 7 months now. Some things I wasn't expecting have happened, well quite a few of those, but the main ones are: random hair and losing weight.

While my belly isn't this flat, my jeans were about this much too big

Regarding the weight loss. I was under the impression that, when one had a baby, one lost control of ones stomach muscles and got fat. I believed as much because there is a multitude of products available to "help you get your pre-baby body back" - exercise DVDs (Cindy Crawford springs to mind), diets, creams, therapies etc. I'll admit to being a little concerned by all this. My weight had crept up to an unacceptable (for me) level before I was pregnant and I really didn't want to get any bigger thank you very much. You can imagine my surprise, then, when the weight started to drop off before my very eyes. Within 2 weeks I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight and dress size. 7 months on I am exactly 2 stone lighter and 2 dress sizes smaller (on the bottom and 1 on top) when compared with pre-pregnancy figures. Needless to say I am delighted for several reasons. 1) I've lost the weight that's been steadily creeping on since my teens. 2) I didn't have to do anything to achieve said loss. 3) I had to go shopping to buy clothes that didn't fall off! It's lovely to be able to shop for clothes in the regular section of stores rather than the plus size bit, something I haven't been able to do for years now. Anyway, I feel great - I just hope it doesn't all come piling back on when the breastfeeding stops.

The Hair, nothing freaky don't worry. At about 4 months pregnant I noticed that I lost a small patch of hair at the front of my scalp. I didn't think anything of it & assumed it was part of the ageing process. Didn't even cross my mind that the raging hormones in my body might be responsible! I looked in the mirror the other day and, lo & behold, it's growing back! This I was not expecting. I was reminded of when I was about 8 or 9 and fed up with the same missing wispy bits of hair. In my infinite wisdom I decided to chop them off so that they weren't there any more. What I didn't realise, and what Mum told me (while smirking) would happen was that the hair would grow back giving me a temporary and horrific mini-fringe. Here I am at the ripe old age of 28, feeling the frustration of a 9 year old, only it's not self inflicted this time.

I've already had the freaky hair loss in the shower thing. I'll explain...I don't brush my hair apart from when I wash it so the way I keep tabs on hair happenings is the amount that comes out in the shower - anyone with hair that needs squeezing in the shower will know what I mean. During pregnancy I noticed that it all but stopped coming out in the shower. Again, I thought nothing of it and got used to it - it made the washing of hair very quick! At about 3 months post birth, my hairs appeared to be jumping ship! I didn't really know what was going on until one of the NCT Mums said that her hairdresser had mentioned it would happen at around 3 months. Phew. I wasn't balding! Massive relief. I guess my hormones are rebalancing because my hair loss is back to pre-pregnancy levels now and it's maintenance levels are too...boo! I could get away with washing it once a week during pregnancy. Back to every other day now.

Click image to zoom for full gory details!

I had my first menstrual period a few weeks ago. I was pretty shocked and a bit stunned! Blood loss has been something to worry about for so long now that I'd nearly forgotten about the monthly joy. It'll be interesting to see how regular it is. Before my pregnancy I was very regular...every 26 days on the dot. I wonder how well my body will return to it's baby-less state? I can always see my acupuncturist again, he who so very skilfully sorted my 'mental-menstruals' before!

The return of the periods also made me a little sad. It means Isaac is needing less milk from me. I know he'll continue to need about a pint a day until he's 1 or so, but still. I'm not his main source of food anymore. Initially I thought weaning was getting my son onto solid food. Now I think it's that as well as weaning me off him.

My caesarean scar has fully healed. It's quite smooth on the left side. The right side is less purple and more that reddy pink of scar tissue; it's nowhere near as bumpy as it has been. and I don't notice it anymore when I pull clothes on etc.

Spring is rolling along nicely. The crocuses and daffodils are shooting up in the garden, there's blossom on the way everywhere and next door's honeysuckle is starting to green. Our trees has little buds on them too. Simon's mowed the lawn for the first time this year and I'm planning raised beds in which to plant the  poor jasminum that's been sitting by the kitchen window in a pot all winter long. I'm shedding clothing layers as the season moves on. I'm wearing my own clothes again as opposed to last year's maternity mish-mash. It may seem trivial, but I didn't realise how much what I wear affects me. Last year I was limited to a range of rubbish maternity clothes; I really didn't have the energy or the inclination to customise. This year I'm back in my old garbs (that still fit) and new ones that I love. I can't even begin to tell you how much happier I am. I suppose the extra weight and hormone trauma didn't help either! I'm like a spring lamb with energy to burn....boing boing boing...waiting for Isaac to join me in running around like a loon - it won't be long!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

3 months today!

Well...at 11.42pm at least.

My GAHD! Where does the time go? I looked at the calendar yesterday and it's December?? During the last 3 months we have been officially travelling at Warp 8, fcuk Impulse! (No disrespect J-L.P.).

I think the 3 month mark is the magic moment for us. I finally have a firmer grip on life with Isaac. It's all been a bit of an ordeal so far, but the past 5 days or so have seen the return of Sarah as she was known, pre-Isaac. She isn't mentally 100% as she seems to have lost some brain power, and now seems to be referring to herself in the 3rd person. Hmm.

So anyway, back to Little Man. Breastfeeding/milk is now definitely established & there's less frustrated screaming because it doesn't let down quick enough. Although he did feed every 2 hours today - 3 month growth spurt methinks? Would also explain the feeding every 2 hours on the dot. Bless him. Still haven't got into expressing. Might wait until this growth spurt is over & then give it a go as it shouldn't upset supply & demand then.

I put him in his door bouncer for the first time proper the other day. His feet now reach the floor. He doesn't bounce as such, but spins it round while he surveys his kingdom (and has stare downs with the dog).

 

Doggy Stare Down

We've been to Cine Babies at the Quad for the past 2 months. Only 9 more of those :-( It's such a good idea, mainly because it doesn't matter if your baby screams because there will be other babies screaming too & everyone expects it! Hurrah! Next month: Me & Orson Welles.

I've taken him swimming twice. That one is tricky because the swimming class I went to is at 11.15am which is when he usually wants to be asleep. I've found another one which is MUCH closer (within walking distance rather than 20 minute drive) in the hospital hydrotherapy pool. Have emailed the woman so will see what comes of that. Took him into the teaching pool with Simon & the girls today. I don't think he was that impressed with the actual in-the-water bit, but there was minimal crying & only a bit of whimpering, until back in the changing room when I unwrapped his towel & took off his baby snug. Even then it was OK because he went straight into another dry towel followed closely by clothses. I think he was tired. Which leads nicely into my next topic.

Sleep.

The Little Man won't sleep until he's the-most-tired-ever.com. During the day that is. At night he sleeps from about 6.30pm-7pm for between 5 & 7 hours, wakes for a feed/nappy change & then goes back to sleep for between 2& 3 hours. This was great when his last wake up was 6am, but it's been 4.30am of late. This does not go down well in the Turner house, for Ma or Pa. It's difficult to keep him up until 7/7.30pm though because he's so tired and grumpy. I think it's time to re-evaluate his nap schedule. He still naps best in't sling. He does sleep in his pram basket for about an hour, but only after 10 minutes of grizzling. Balls to HV. I'm sticking to my guns about baby wearing. He also doesn't settle properlyuntil he's had some comfort sucking on me. I've tried to slip my nipple out of his mouth & replace it with a soother to no avail. The boy ain't stupid. He knows what he wants & that's real live boob. People say it'll develop bad habits, but I dunno. He's a little tiny baby who wants his Mamma, who am I to deny him that?

We're looking to get a new carrier in the New Year as the Hug-a-Bub is great while he's still relatively small, but as he grows it's going to become  impractical. The H-a-B is supposed to be worn with the loose bits tied around ones hips. Having a waist smaller than my hips makes this difficult because it rides up & then loosens the rest of the sling meaning he's all flopping everywhere & his head falls back at some weird ass angle. So. We're going to get an Ergo carrier. I've spent hours, literally hours, pouring over different types of soft carrier wondering which would be best.  Should we get a mei tai type (which I very nearly did) or a clip fastening type? I saw a lady the first time we went to Cine Babies with a backpack style carrier & when we went again I asked her what it was. I had a look at it & it seems great! If you can be bothered there's LOADS of information on their website all about baby wearing, its benefits, why it won't wreck your back (HVs new tactic to discourage). It has a sleep hood which is very important for us as Isaac loves to sleep in the sling. It can be worn front, back & hip. Sold. Galaxy grey to the lady with the tattoos.

Something that reassures me in my baby wearing ways is the reading I've done about how humans are parent clingers, i.e.: not meant to be left in nests like birds/mice etc - makes sense as we're descended from apes (sorry Mrs Palin) whose young are carried constantly during the early part of their lives. Research shows that baby wearing doesn't make clingy, spoiled children; it reassures them and creates emotionally balanced and secure individuals. So, we're meant to be carried around all of the time until we want to walk on our own? Yes! Sucks for people who don't really like their kids!

Little Man smiles lots of the time now. He's such a charmer :-) I think I even heard a silvery peal of laughter the other day! His hair is getting thicker and his legs longer. However, longer legs = unable to tuck up in the sling anymore so feeties get cold! OH NO! Fear not! I've just found these brilliant things. Extra long merino wool booties :-) From the rather awesomely named site, Fanny Fanackapants! Back on track. He likes singing & being jiggled about on his changing mat so I think we're going to start going to rhyme time and maybe even TinyTalk in the new year. We just weren't ready before. I've even discovered how to tie my scarf so that he's not suffocated by it while in-sling. I did have a picture, but I've lost it :-( Soz.

So now it's time for me to go to bed, at the rock n roll hour of 10pm - here's hoping tomorrow doesn't start at 4.30am!

2 months on

Now that he is just over 2 months I feel things are settling down into some semblance of a routine, on more days than not. Nights aren't always as unpredictable and horrific as they used to be, we manage between 4 and 5 consecutive hours sleep at best and he slept for 7 straight hours the other night! Incredible! During the day he naps in the sling and at night he sleeps in his pram in our room on the floor (the basket bit detaches from the chassis - this will help transition to crib no doubt). We think the sense of space in the crib was a little too much for him and the size of our room was overwhelming. The pram has a hood that comes up so he feels more enclosed. With hindsight I think a Moses basket would have been more appropriate for this particular Little Man, but we weren't to know. HV wasn't convinced that the sling was appropriate after 4 weeks, but I think the sense of closeness it promotes is invaluable while developing our bond and means that he really does sleep during the day rather than snatching 20 minutes sleep between draining feeding sessions. I forgot the sling when I went to Mum's on Monday which was a complete nightmare until we improvised on out of 2 pashminas!

Improv sling-prov

I have since been into town and bought 4 pashminas from the lady in Westfield with a view to making an additional sling. Now...when will I have the time to do that?!

Also whilst at Mum's I looked through some baby pictures of me. My GAHD! He rather looks like I did!

Isaac 8 weeks

Sarah 5 months

Breastfeeding is now going well; milk seems to be established. I've given up trying to express apart from at weekends when Simon can sling him. Seems that whatever I express only gets given to him a few days later. I'll get back on the case again, just not yet. It seems whenever I'm getting low about something Isaac related, I pick up a copy of Juno and find an article that reassures me and makes me feel a million times better. The latest edition has a brilliant article about breastfeeding. The author practises energy work and incorporates this into her breastfeeding strategy. I love the approach and it made me realise that I'd been quite selfish while feeding my boy. Since I've stopped watching things on the TV while feeding him I've noticed that he feeds better and is much happier. This might seem obvious to many, but I think I was being a little short sighted about the whole affair. Breastfeeding isn't just about filling a tummy, it's about building a relationship with your child and how can you do that it you aren't even paying attention? *Slaps forehead* It's easy to forget that he's only an ickle bebe and get worked up that there's so much you need to get done, but just can't. I'm getting used to the levels of dust with which we co-habit. I get so frustrated sometimes, especially at night when I'm tired and crying for sleep, or when we've planned something that we can't participate in fully because he's tired or hungry. I think having a mantra to repeat to myself helps enormously. It removes me from what's right in front of me, just long enough to get fresh perspective so that I can carry on with the same love that he deserves all the time. Kudos to Dad for suggesting the idea.

Having read about Ayurvedic eating for myself (being a Kapha sucks), I decided to see what I thought Isaac was. From what I can tell about him so far he seems to be Vata. Boo! I found this out about Vata babies from here:

"Babies and children with a predominance of Vata find it hard to gain weight.  Their sleep is easily disturbed and they have a tendency towards wind and colic.  They dislike the cold or being exposed to windy conditions. On the whole they have low, delicate appetites and love sweet, warm food. By nature they are daydreamers and enjoy watching trees blowing in the wind or clouds moving across the sky."

To a tee. He's underneath the bottom line on the weight gaining chart in my red book which I think the HVs are going to get excited about tomorrow when I get him weighed, BUT he has wet & dirty nappies and doesn't look emaciated at all. He feeds OK, seems fine to me. Isn't too windy any more as I wind him meticulously when he needs it (thanks to Dunstan Baby Language for word/cry understanding!) He does love to watch things and has a good nose whenever possible. I took him into town in the sling the other day and it was the first time he'd really experienced a bitter cold wind. He really didn't like it and kept burying his face into my chest. I think there's definitely something in it and will bear it in mind when weaning. Talking of which, we're booked onto an NCT weaning course in January.

I still haven't managed to go out. It isn't really possible while I'm not expressing  and I frankly don't have the energy or the inclination. I had half a cider (all I was allowed by the landlady!), a glass of pink fizzy stuff & half a can of Carlsberg (spread out over about 7 hours) on Halloween and I felt bloody awful!  Is this a new non-alcoholic Sarah? The odd glass of wine every now and then seems to be OK, but I can't even think about drinking lots.

Auntie Kate

Auntie Anna

Isaac has now met 2 out of 3 not-Godparents. Auntie Kate & Auntie Anna have both been to visit :-) We need a better name than not-Godparents. Any suggestions? The official title as used by registrars is Special Adults. Special Adults? Hmm. Not for us!

The days are literally flying by and I'm sure he'll be 6 months before I even know it. I'm trying to enjoy him being so little because it won't last forever, it's trying at times because I know it'll be easier when he does sleep for longer and my head doesn't feel like it's full of cotton wool. Then I'll be wishing he was small and cuddly again!

Where to begin?

Booby baby & hemp burger at Eco Fest

So here we are at the end of Isaac's second week out of the womb and it still hasn't really sunk in that I'm someone's mother. Even typing it and reading it back sounds utterly ridiculous. I'm responsible for the well-being and development of a small person. Who let this happen?!

We've been out and about quite a bit considering the caesarean. We've been into town a few times and today went to Eco-Fest at Markeaton Park which was great. It was lovely to be out in the sunshine and surrounded by loads of other people. It's a bit surreal though; feels as though they're at a distance, not included in our little family bubble and therefore not relevant. I'm sure as I get more used to our new life that it will become less weird. I hope so anyway!

How's he doing then? He's doing fabulously and now has eyelashes! My staples came out on day 6 and the community midwife was pleased with how my scar was healing. She weighed Isaac, who had only lost 5% of his birth weight, which apparently is good.

At barely 8 days old he got conjunctivitis in his right eye. It was soon sorted after a visit to the doctor and some drops. It cleared up after about 2 days and shows no sign of returning. I would rather not have put anything in his eyes as I know conjunctivitis clears up on its own, but the poor little mite doesn't have the capacity with which to make his own healing tears yet :-(

We all went to the postnatal clinic for our 10 day check rather than waiting at home for the community midwife again as she didn't arrive until 7pm for our day 5 appointment! Poor woman should've finished at 4pm, but had several emergency appointments and decided to keep going rather than rearrange appointments. Anyhoo, we weren't discharged from midwife care because his cord hadn't then dropped off and, with 4oz to go, he wasn't back up to birth weight. The midwife was pleased with my scar and again commented on how good it looked (?) considering it was only 10 days after the operation. One forgets that a caesarean is actually major surgery.

Isaac's cord came away on day 11 and he now has a nice little pink belly button which is healing well. It's very cute :-) We've got another appointment at the postnatal clinic on Tuesday so we'll see if he's back up to birth weight by then. I can't imagine that he won't be judging by the amount he eats!! I'm really noticing the need to drink massive quantities of water; if I don't I get awful dehydration headaches.

Mother's Milk

Breastfeeding is going well. It doesn't hurt per se, but sometimes feels a little uncomfortable. He sometimes feeds for hours at a time, but I realise now that it's not all feeding, but comfort sucking. With this in mind we did the dreaded and tried him with a dummy. We really, really didn't want to, but he's so much happier with it. I don't like how it squashes against his nose, but maybe that's just how he was lying in the car seat? Plus there's a limit as to how much of the day I can sit with my boobs out!! If he's hungry he spits it out and cries, so I feed him. If he isn't hungry, he's happy to suck on the little plastic and rubber marvel. I expressed some milk for the first time yesterday. 2oz in about 3 minutes! Apparently that's good. I'm not an experienced expresser, so wouldn't know. It was very satisfying though! It'll mean that Simon can help with feeding too. This is good because it'll A) give me a break and B) include him more in Isaac based activities.

Simon goes back to work on Monday. Neither of us want him to go and if Isaac could talk I think he'd say the same. He's been an enormous help with things like making sure I'm fed and watered and doing the laundry. Mum's coming up for the day tomorrow to keep me company and then Dad's coming  up tomorrow evening to stay for a few days to help me while I get used to Simon being at work.It's rubbish that Dads only get 2 weeks paternity leave. Apparently the rules are changing and Dads will be allowed to take 6 months leave soon, but it has to be deducted from the Mother's allowance. How is that fair/does that work? Hmm.

The hospital discharged me with 7 days worth of diclofenac (anti-inflammatory).  I took those and paracetamol 3 times a day for the 7 days and haven't taken anything other than arnica since. I'm feeling much stronger now, although I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than a baby or drive for 6 weeks, which sucks. The doctor did say to go with how I feel though and I do feel a lot better. I think I may be back on the road before the 6 weeks is up. As long as I can lift the pram in and out of the car that is! Having the caesarean has totally thrown me. I wasn't expecting to have to sit on my arse and recover. I'd much rather be out and about doing stuff and making new mum friends. Ho hum, I guess that's the way it's going to have to be for a few more weeks at least. I can't even wear my sling at the moment because it puts uncomfortable pressure on my scar. So, I really do have to sit on my arse and recover. Bring on the hands free days of sling!

For all the lack of sleep and feeding marathons, I wouldn't change a thing; I want him to stay tiny forever, if only for moments like this when he's asleep on my chest making little contented noises. I know it's not possible, so I cherish each moment as it happens.

I don't think the dog likes being further down the ranks though!

Le cot

We...well mostly Simon...put the cot together today :-) Looks fab don't you think?

It's very difficult to take pictures in the nursery now there's more stuff in it; getting a bit cramped - good job there isn't anything else to go in except for a chair!

It's amazing and a little strange to think that there will be a Wiggler to go in it quite soon...I know the crib will be used for the first 6 months or so, but still - it's quite overwhelming!

We're getting to know people at the antenatal class now which is really nice. I can't quite believe how worthwhile the classes are; I knew they'd be helpful, but from an emotional viewpoint they've saved me. Simon and I are much closer as a result of going and we're both really excited about the arrival of The Wiggler now. It's great to be around other pregnant women for a start and for Simon it's been terrific to meet other Dads-to-be. Normalising emotions and concerns is hugely beneficial. We even went to the local pub for a drink after the one last night. I seriously recommend NCT classes to anyone having a baby who wants to know more & meet other people in the same situation!

I really didn't think I was the type, but it turns out that I am - I found this pregnancy ticker at lilypie.com which I've decided to add to each blog. However, I'm only copying the image onto each post so that it stays as a sort of record of how pregnant I was/old Wiggler was when I wrote something.

1st antenatal class

Wooh! We went to the first of our 7 antenatal classes yesterday evening. It was great! I was so relieved. It's run by the NCT and I have to admit I was (stupidly) a little bit scared that everyone would be stuck up. Anyhoo, they weren't! Everyone was really nice and the session was really helpful. The first thing we did was introduce ourselves - we're the only couple having a home birth, everyone else is booked in at the City (now Royal) hospital and one lady is at Chesterfield. Our teacher, Rebecca, made split us into the men & the women to write a list of things we wanted to know more about under the following headings: pregnancy, labour, early days, ghastlies & ground rules. We filled in the ghastlies first with things like tearing, pelvic muscle recovery etc. The men actually raised some interesting points which I think surprised the women!

After that we had to put some pictures of a baby being born in order. This was incredibly helpful; I've read quite a lot about labour & pregnancy, but as yet didn't really have a clue as to what actually happens while the baby comes out. So now I do!

I could tell people were a bit shocked that I was having a home water birth, but Rebecca explained that the risks of home birth (if you take out the unplanned and free births) are significantly fewer than giving birth in hospital. She also confirmed that it's the best way to get one on one care and that I get lots of other stuff I wouldn't if I was in hospital. By the end at least 2 more couples were considering home birth & more were thinking about water birth - hurrah!  I think they were secretly a bit jealous lol!

Simon really liked it too - I think it's helped meeting other men in the same situation as him. We're both really excited about our next class on Saturday - bring it on!

I bought a steriliser & some bottles on Wednesday - half price in Boots and triple points on baby!